Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
