Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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