hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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