currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
