I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is Oprah even human
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
