Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
