cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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