Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
