Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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