dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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