Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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