You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
