ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
