I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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