As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
