ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
