I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
