I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
