Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
