I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
