How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
