11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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