just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
