I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
