Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
