I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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