We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
