think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
