Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
