my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
