dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
