Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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