Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
