I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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