I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
