I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
