Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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