also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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