Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
