sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
