Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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