just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize