My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
