so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
