Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
