I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
