Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
