note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
