i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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