I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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