Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
