She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
