Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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