Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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