I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
