i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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