I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
