We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
