Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
