My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
