I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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