waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sober January is a disaster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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