She announced her abortion via fbk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
