I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
